Son of the Northern Wind, you are a crazy mofo

Location: Cranky Gnome Tavern, Magician Town
Time: Fuck if we know

Aranel: Hey, Twitchleaf.
Lyaera: That is my sometimes name!
Aranel: Indeed it is. Try this delicious, flaming brew.
Lyaera: Metaphorically flaming?
Aranel: No. Literally. I accidentally burned part of my eyebrow off. See?
(Lyaera admires the battle wound, then drinks)
AAAAHHHHH!!!!! It burns!!!!!!!
Hahahahahahhahahaha
No really! Heal me!!!! Heal me!!!! I am wounded!!!!
Oh, fine. (casts Heal Light Wounds)
Ahh... thank you. Much better. Wait... I think you're supposed to wait until it stops burning before you drink... right?
Eh... probably. But that's no fun.
(Ugaarth enters the tavern, looking woozy)
Ugaarth: Ugaarth sad.
Why?
Ugaarth: Me smash...ed. Hangover hurt.
Well, yeah. You couldn't even join us on our last adventure.
Me ow. What happen?
Well, we talked to this guy who wanted us to explore places and write stuff down for him to make maps.
Yeah, so we took the map with us and realized we hadn't delivered Salador's message yet... you weren't traveling with us at the time. He was this guy we met when we were closing a Chaos gate.
He wanted us to go to Magician Town to deliver it to the head wizard dude. I don't remember his name.
So on the way there, everyone was resting peacefully, except for me. I was diligently on watch. Suddenly, these air spirits swooped down from the sky and snatched up all our belongings!
Yeah it was awful! But I am super amazing, so I tracked them like crazy, and we followed the wind through the forest, which was creepy... it was cold.
And then we ran into four zephyrs, who attacked us for no reason.
Stupid fickle wind people! They turned into tornadoes, and we slashy-slashied them, and they died.
And then we ran into this odd man who called himself the Son of the Northern Wind. He lived in an ice palace. And he was very nice at first and made his winds return our shit, but he was crazy!
Yeah... he took the letter and opened it, even though Salador told us bad bad things would happen.
And then a clay golem emerged, this absolutely gigantic construct, and it was not happy. Sienna hid. Which made sense, since she's about two feet tall.
Man... when she hides, she really hides. This time I think she just vanished.
Yeah. So we fought the golem because the Son of the Northern Wind wanted "entertainment."
I used my Elixir of Frostbreath on it and made it all frigid and crackly.
And then Cloak used the awesome Disintegration Scroll that Laith sent us, which severely weakened him and disintegrated his body. Unfortunately, before this happened, it managed to full attack me rather brutally. Three attacks!
Ow. Me too. We took a lot of damage. And it wasn't until we tried to heal them that we realized they were Cursed Wounds... and couldn't be healed magically. Lame lame lame.
I couldn't go anywhere near the golem after that or I would have died, so I used my natural brilliance and talent to create a new sort of weapon--a chain whip!
Which does bludgeoning damage, which seemed to be most effective against the golem.
Yeah, and I swung that shit like Indiana Jones.
Ugaarth: Who?
Never mind. And I hit it!
And I had to make a reflex save to not get hit in the face... thanks a lot.
Whatever. You were fine.
And then we tripped it with the chain and Gwen and I dodged, but it fell on top of Cloak... whoops.
And in his only moment of benevolence, the Son of the Northern Wind picked it up so Cloak could escape.
And then I flanked it and got full attacked again. And then Cloak almost killed it with his/her gnome hammer! He/she/it just ran up and leaped at the golem, and it roared!
And then we finished it off... I think your full attack was a bit unnecessary, considering that it was an inch away from death already.
Whatever.
And then the Son of the Northern Wind cheered and healed our wounds and acted like a crazypants and gave us gold, and then Sienna encouraged him to open a wildlife reserve for arctic animals.
He was very happy. And then he flew us to town on the wind! It was so fun!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Calm down.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Ugaarth: Stop or I smash. Smash smash smash.
EEE...eeeee...eee... (silence)
So we tried to deliver the letter, but the wizard's secretary was an asshole. Heartless.
Literally! I tried to intimidate him, and he didn't care!
And I tried to seduce him, and that didn't work either!
And then we got thrown in the dungeon. But the wizard man was nice and let us out and listened to our epic tale. Then he told us that his secretary had had his heart magically removed because he loved a nymph who would never love him back and left him all alone... sad.
Stupid fuckface. And that was basically it!
Ugaarth: ...So you just deliver letter?
Yeah...
But it's the journey that matters, not the destination, idiot! Besides, you were hungover and didn't even come with us.
Eh.
(A disembodied voice from above): Olidammara here. I demand that you drink. Now.
Drink?
Yes. Drink. Do it.

(The three merry adventurers toast, and then the shwastedness begins!)