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Location: Cranky Gnome Tavern, Magician Town
Time: Fuck if we know
Aranel: Hey, Twitchleaf.
Lyaera: That is my sometimes name!
Aranel: Indeed it is. Try this delicious, flaming brew.
Lyaera: Metaphorically flaming?
Aranel: No. Literally. I accidentally burned part of my eyebrow off. See?
(Lyaera admires the battle wound, then drinks)
AAAAHHHHH!!!!! It burns!!!!!!!
Hahahahahahhahahaha
No really! Heal me!!!! Heal me!!!! I am wounded!!!!
Oh, fine. (casts Heal Light Wounds)
Ahh... thank you. Much better. Wait... I think you're supposed to wait until it stops burning before you drink... right?
Eh... probably. But that's no fun.
(Ugaarth enters the tavern, looking woozy)
Ugaarth: Ugaarth sad.
Why?
Ugaarth: Me smash...ed. Hangover hurt.
Well, yeah. You couldn't even join us on our last adventure.
Me ow. What happen?
Well, we talked to this guy who wanted us to explore places and write stuff down for him to make maps.
Yeah, so we took the map with us and realized we hadn't delivered Salador's message yet... you weren't traveling with us at the time. He was this guy we met when we were closing a Chaos gate.
He wanted us to go to Magician Town to deliver it to the head wizard dude. I don't remember his name.
So on the way there, everyone was resting peacefully, except for me. I was diligently on watch. Suddenly, these air spirits swooped down from the sky and snatched up all our belongings!
Yeah it was awful! But I am super amazing, so I tracked them like crazy, and we followed the wind through the forest, which was creepy... it was cold.
And then we ran into four zephyrs, who attacked us for no reason.
Stupid fickle wind people! They turned into tornadoes, and we slashy-slashied them, and they died.
And then we ran into this odd man who called himself the Son of the Northern Wind. He lived in an ice palace. And he was very nice at first and made his winds return our shit, but he was crazy!
Yeah... he took the letter and opened it, even though Salador told us bad bad things would happen.
And then a clay golem emerged, this absolutely gigantic construct, and it was not happy. Sienna hid. Which made sense, since she's about two feet tall.
Man... when she hides, she really hides. This time I think she just vanished.
Yeah. So we fought the golem because the Son of the Northern Wind wanted "entertainment."
I used my Elixir of Frostbreath on it and made it all frigid and crackly.
And then Cloak used the awesome Disintegration Scroll that Laith sent us, which severely weakened him and disintegrated his body. Unfortunately, before this happened, it managed to full attack me rather brutally. Three attacks!
Ow. Me too. We took a lot of damage. And it wasn't until we tried to heal them that we realized they were Cursed Wounds... and couldn't be healed magically. Lame lame lame.
I couldn't go anywhere near the golem after that or I would have died, so I used my natural brilliance and talent to create a new sort of weapon--a chain whip!
Which does bludgeoning damage, which seemed to be most effective against the golem.
Yeah, and I swung that shit like Indiana Jones.
Ugaarth: Who?
Never mind. And I hit it!
And I had to make a reflex save to not get hit in the face... thanks a lot.
Whatever. You were fine.
And then we tripped it with the chain and Gwen and I dodged, but it fell on top of Cloak... whoops.
And in his only moment of benevolence, the Son of the Northern Wind picked it up so Cloak could escape.
And then I flanked it and got full attacked again. And then Cloak almost killed it with his/her gnome hammer! He/she/it just ran up and leaped at the golem, and it roared!
And then we finished it off... I think your full attack was a bit unnecessary, considering that it was an inch away from death already.
Whatever.
And then the Son of the Northern Wind cheered and healed our wounds and acted like a crazypants and gave us gold, and then Sienna encouraged him to open a wildlife reserve for arctic animals.
He was very happy. And then he flew us to town on the wind! It was so fun!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Calm down.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Ugaarth: Stop or I smash. Smash smash smash.
EEE...eeeee...eee... (silence)
So we tried to deliver the letter, but the wizard's secretary was an asshole. Heartless.
Literally! I tried to intimidate him, and he didn't care!
And I tried to seduce him, and that didn't work either!
And then we got thrown in the dungeon. But the wizard man was nice and let us out and listened to our epic tale. Then he told us that his secretary had had his heart magically removed because he loved a nymph who would never love him back and left him all alone... sad.
Stupid fuckface. And that was basically it!
Ugaarth: ...So you just deliver letter?
Yeah...
But it's the journey that matters, not the destination, idiot! Besides, you were hungover and didn't even come with us.
Eh.
(A disembodied voice from above): Olidammara here. I demand that you drink. Now.
Drink?
Yes. Drink. Do it.
(The three merry adventurers toast, and then the shwastedness begins!)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
... SMASH?
UGAARTH SMAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHMBHVMJFGHFRTYUDRTJTGFJHTRU['-[-[opuitfrdt
rseyru6ru6djthjtdERGDJTDJTESRG34E5DGRFHTFT
CHMBHVMJFGHFRTYUDRTJTGFJHTRU['-[-[opuitfrdt
rseyru6ru6djthjtdERGDJTDJTESRG34E5DGRFHTFT
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Letter from Laith!
Aranel: Our favorite Drow bard, Laith, recently sent us a letter. He wrangled a dwarf into finding us (somehow).
Lyaera: We miss you, Laith!
To my very favourite acquaintances,
I recently had the unusual pleasure of entertaining a tribe of kobolds. I was traveling with a caravan through some unfamiliar woods, and the little hooligans set upon us and demanded tribute for passing through their territory. The other option, they bluntly informed us, was death. Unfortunately, the caravan did not provide quite enough loot to satisfy their reptilian tastes, so things were not looking well... until the caravan leader happened to mention that they had a bard with them. Apparently kobolds are particularly fond of good storytellers, especially those that speak Draconic. They agreed to let the caravan pass if I were to come perform for their tribe, and the caravan was quick to make my committment for me.
Imagine my surprise when, in beginning my recount of our adventures in the chaotic woods and Mechanus, the whole camp sprang into an uproar. At first I thought they were going to eat me alive, but then I realized that they knew you! The chief was particularly eager to hear tidings of his newest tribesmen, and I was more than happy to oblige. It wound up being an unexpectedly enjoyable night after that.
As of now, I have returned to the road, and I continue to travel abroad, learning more and more about the current news of our lands and making a decent living off of my performances and the stories that you helped to provide. I caught word that you had headed to Dwarven lands, so I shall send this message with the first dwarf that I find heading that way. I hope that he finds you all alive and well. I expect to catch wind of your further adventures in the future. Rest assured that I will be the first bard to sing of your many accomplishments. May the gods bless your efforts, and may the stories of your efforts continue to bring me gold!
Your Personal Bard,
Laith
Poste Scripte: I've included a scroll for you that happened to come into my possession recently. I believe you'll find it rather useful; it is among my favorite spells. The wizard should have no problem identifying and using it. Consider it a gift of gratitude. If the stories of your exploits continue to increase in popularity, I may be sending you more. Perhaps.
*end letter*
Scroll details:
One (1) scroll of disintegrate
Spell range: 150 ft
Casting time: 1 standard action
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving throw: Fortitude DC 22 (partial)
Normal spell effects:
Caster must make a successful ranged touch attack, at which point a thin, green ray springs from his or her pointing finger.
Any creature struck by this ray takes 24d6 points of damage.
Any creature reduced to 0 or fewer hit points by this spell is entirely disintigrated, leaving behind only a trace of fine dust and whatever equipment they may have carried.
When used against an object, the ray simply disintigrates up to 10 cubic feet of nonliving matter.
A creature or object that succeeds on their Fortitude save instead takes 5d6 points of damage, suffering the same disintigration consequences if its hit points are reduced to below 0.
Only one target allowed per casting.
Lyaera: We miss you, Laith!
To my very favourite acquaintances,
I recently had the unusual pleasure of entertaining a tribe of kobolds. I was traveling with a caravan through some unfamiliar woods, and the little hooligans set upon us and demanded tribute for passing through their territory. The other option, they bluntly informed us, was death. Unfortunately, the caravan did not provide quite enough loot to satisfy their reptilian tastes, so things were not looking well... until the caravan leader happened to mention that they had a bard with them. Apparently kobolds are particularly fond of good storytellers, especially those that speak Draconic. They agreed to let the caravan pass if I were to come perform for their tribe, and the caravan was quick to make my committment for me.
Imagine my surprise when, in beginning my recount of our adventures in the chaotic woods and Mechanus, the whole camp sprang into an uproar. At first I thought they were going to eat me alive, but then I realized that they knew you! The chief was particularly eager to hear tidings of his newest tribesmen, and I was more than happy to oblige. It wound up being an unexpectedly enjoyable night after that.
As of now, I have returned to the road, and I continue to travel abroad, learning more and more about the current news of our lands and making a decent living off of my performances and the stories that you helped to provide. I caught word that you had headed to Dwarven lands, so I shall send this message with the first dwarf that I find heading that way. I hope that he finds you all alive and well. I expect to catch wind of your further adventures in the future. Rest assured that I will be the first bard to sing of your many accomplishments. May the gods bless your efforts, and may the stories of your efforts continue to bring me gold!
Your Personal Bard,
Laith
Poste Scripte: I've included a scroll for you that happened to come into my possession recently. I believe you'll find it rather useful; it is among my favorite spells. The wizard should have no problem identifying and using it. Consider it a gift of gratitude. If the stories of your exploits continue to increase in popularity, I may be sending you more. Perhaps.
*end letter*
Scroll details:
One (1) scroll of disintegrate
Spell range: 150 ft
Casting time: 1 standard action
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving throw: Fortitude DC 22 (partial)
Normal spell effects:
Caster must make a successful ranged touch attack, at which point a thin, green ray springs from his or her pointing finger.
Any creature struck by this ray takes 24d6 points of damage.
Any creature reduced to 0 or fewer hit points by this spell is entirely disintigrated, leaving behind only a trace of fine dust and whatever equipment they may have carried.
When used against an object, the ray simply disintigrates up to 10 cubic feet of nonliving matter.
A creature or object that succeeds on their Fortitude save instead takes 5d6 points of damage, suffering the same disintigration consequences if its hit points are reduced to below 0.
Only one target allowed per casting.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
A Brief Summary of.... Well, Everything
Dwarven Mountains - near Athenasius's monastery
11:00 PM
A FEAST is occurring - the dwarves are curious about our exploits.
Aranel: You should try this wine, Lyaera. It's nom nom delicious.
Lyaera: Okay! glug glug glug. I..... like wine.
Aranel: Mmm... roast panther.
Lyaera: NOOOOOO!!!!! I killlll you!!!!!!!!
Aranel: Hahahahahahaha! Just kidding. I didn't slaughter your panther.
Lyaera: Gwen! Gwenny Gwen Gwen! Gwenny pooo! Where are you?
*purring*
Oh, good. I thought the nasty cleric ate you.
Dwarf yells from across the table
So, tell us: what happened? How did it all go down?
Well, first we went into the caves, deeper and deeper - did I tell you I like caves? Because I do. And there was this giant spiral staircase down into the depths... we kind of just charged down stupidly without spotting for anything, which is very out of character, and we ended up stepping onto a weak portion of the stairs.
Yeah... we kind of failed.
We fell pretty epically, and I used my ROPE OF CLIMBING to hook on to a rock jutting out of the wall, and we grabbed it and slammed into the wall. Ow, by the way.
And then there was this chain demon that kept trying to kill us. We traded blows, deanimated his chains, and Athenasius killed him by tackling him to the bottom of the staircase, breaking his own leg in the process. At which point he was largely useless and just chilled.
When all the animals wouldn't go down to the bottom, I knew there were not happy things down there. But we went anyways.
Yeah, and while we were going Ugaarth and the little people got attacked by a pair of animated bookshelves
Because the stupid Rogue tried to go steal the potions on the bookshelves
Hey! They were good potions. Totally worth stealing.
And Ugaarth actually got grappled by one of the bookshelves, which is pretty embarrassing, if you think about it.
Or hilarious. Ahahahahah.
Yes, yes... well, we all met at the bottom and went into a vast chamber where a Wraith was protecting an altar of EVILNESS!
Oh, and then that undead dwarf tried to bribe us into preserving the altar. We pwned that bitch in the face!
And Ugaarth smashed, and we all shot arrows, and the Wraith died, and then we scratched the inscriptions off the altar.
And the evil was gone! Yay!
The dwarves applaud.
So... any more interesting stories? How did you meet?
Well, we met in a tavern. We were brawling. Athenasius stopped us.
And then our first mission was pretty fun. We had to retrieve a wand that animated the dead.
That's when we met Sienna.
Oh, and on the way to retrieve the wand, we ran into some Kobalds and helped them fight off undead. They led us to where evil Drows had the wand. We killed them, took the wand, went back to party with the Kobalds, and got accepted as honorary members of the tribe.
Weird, they're usually pretty cranky.
Haha, and you got knocked out!
Shut up! Stupid Drow knockout poison.
Hmmm... anything else important we've done?
Oh, hey! Remember the time we were turned into vampires and slept with all those dudes and then killed them?
Oh yeah! That's was good times. And we fought that paladin, even though he was half-Celestial, and we fucking won!
But we did kind of get owned by his dragon. Gold dragon. Pretty. Hahahahaha...... rat armor.
Good thing the dragon turned us back into humans. That was nice of him.
Although blood is strangely delicious.
Yes....
*awkward pause*
Oh, and the Mechanist Plane!
Hell yes KNOWLEDGE OF THE PLANES!!! Bitches I pwn you all!!!
Yeah. Poor Athenasius was just too lawful for our badassery.
We sprung that chick from prison, stole a bunch of things, terrified that gnome guard... and then got the fuck out of there.
Not a fan of lawful planes.
No. Not at all. More wine?
And then the debauchery continued. Olidammara was pleased.
11:00 PM
A FEAST is occurring - the dwarves are curious about our exploits.
Aranel: You should try this wine, Lyaera. It's nom nom delicious.
Lyaera: Okay! glug glug glug. I..... like wine.
Aranel: Mmm... roast panther.
Lyaera: NOOOOOO!!!!! I killlll you!!!!!!!!
Aranel: Hahahahahahaha! Just kidding. I didn't slaughter your panther.
Lyaera: Gwen! Gwenny Gwen Gwen! Gwenny pooo! Where are you?
*purring*
Oh, good. I thought the nasty cleric ate you.
Dwarf yells from across the table
So, tell us: what happened? How did it all go down?
Well, first we went into the caves, deeper and deeper - did I tell you I like caves? Because I do. And there was this giant spiral staircase down into the depths... we kind of just charged down stupidly without spotting for anything, which is very out of character, and we ended up stepping onto a weak portion of the stairs.
Yeah... we kind of failed.
We fell pretty epically, and I used my ROPE OF CLIMBING to hook on to a rock jutting out of the wall, and we grabbed it and slammed into the wall. Ow, by the way.
And then there was this chain demon that kept trying to kill us. We traded blows, deanimated his chains, and Athenasius killed him by tackling him to the bottom of the staircase, breaking his own leg in the process. At which point he was largely useless and just chilled.
When all the animals wouldn't go down to the bottom, I knew there were not happy things down there. But we went anyways.
Yeah, and while we were going Ugaarth and the little people got attacked by a pair of animated bookshelves
Because the stupid Rogue tried to go steal the potions on the bookshelves
Hey! They were good potions. Totally worth stealing.
And Ugaarth actually got grappled by one of the bookshelves, which is pretty embarrassing, if you think about it.
Or hilarious. Ahahahahah.
Yes, yes... well, we all met at the bottom and went into a vast chamber where a Wraith was protecting an altar of EVILNESS!
Oh, and then that undead dwarf tried to bribe us into preserving the altar. We pwned that bitch in the face!
And Ugaarth smashed, and we all shot arrows, and the Wraith died, and then we scratched the inscriptions off the altar.
And the evil was gone! Yay!
The dwarves applaud.
So... any more interesting stories? How did you meet?
Well, we met in a tavern. We were brawling. Athenasius stopped us.
And then our first mission was pretty fun. We had to retrieve a wand that animated the dead.
That's when we met Sienna.
Oh, and on the way to retrieve the wand, we ran into some Kobalds and helped them fight off undead. They led us to where evil Drows had the wand. We killed them, took the wand, went back to party with the Kobalds, and got accepted as honorary members of the tribe.
Weird, they're usually pretty cranky.
Haha, and you got knocked out!
Shut up! Stupid Drow knockout poison.
Hmmm... anything else important we've done?
Oh, hey! Remember the time we were turned into vampires and slept with all those dudes and then killed them?
Oh yeah! That's was good times. And we fought that paladin, even though he was half-Celestial, and we fucking won!
But we did kind of get owned by his dragon. Gold dragon. Pretty. Hahahahaha...... rat armor.
Good thing the dragon turned us back into humans. That was nice of him.
Although blood is strangely delicious.
Yes....
*awkward pause*
Oh, and the Mechanist Plane!
Hell yes KNOWLEDGE OF THE PLANES!!! Bitches I pwn you all!!!
Yeah. Poor Athenasius was just too lawful for our badassery.
We sprung that chick from prison, stole a bunch of things, terrified that gnome guard... and then got the fuck out of there.
Not a fan of lawful planes.
No. Not at all. More wine?
And then the debauchery continued. Olidammara was pleased.
we are teh awesome
Welcome to the wonderful world of Lyaera and Aranel, companions and drinking buddies on a quest for glory and shiny things.
We're on the road right now, after having defeated a Wraith, a pair of animated bookshelves (who would have thought?), a fucking chain demon, and a veritable army of undead Dwarves. Athenasius broke himself, Ugaarth the Barbarian was grappled by said bookshelves, and basically we kicked ass. We won't talk about falling down the stairs.
I'm Aranel, writing in blue. I'm an elf and a cleric for the only god worth worshipping: Olidammara, god of Music, Revels, Wine, Rogues, Humor, and Tricks. He commands me to drink pretty much constantly, and who am I to disobey the gods?
I'm Lyaera, but just call me Twitchleaf. I'm a Druid/Ranger, and my awesome friend of awesomeness is my panther Gwen. I love to track things. I love shiny things.
We use this space to reminisce about our adventures while getting shnookered and shwasted on many delightful brews. For example, we're in the Dwarven Mountains right now being showered with love and presents after saving ALL DWARVENKIND from EEEEVVVVIIIILLLLLLL. Expect stories to commence soon.
Our merry band:
Lyaera and Aranel: fucking badasses. Nothing else to say.
Athenasius: pretty bomb monk who is slowly being corrupted by the chaotic ways of the rest of the group. I hear he may have to finish his monkish training soon, but hopefully he stays for awhile...
Sienna: A midget. Just kidding. A highly curious Rogue of diminutive size. Rather quiet, but very tricksy. Our favorite Halfling who can hide absolutely anywhere.
We recently picked up a wizard, too, of the gnome variety, named Cloak. She's pretty cool. And by 'she' I mean... it? He/she/it is very gender ambiguous. Also the only "Good" member of our team.
Oh, and we also just found Ugaarth, a half-orc Barbarian who isn't really good for anything but smashing things. In fact, all she says is "Ugaarth smash? UGAARTH SMASH!" Useful, though.
We chilled with a Drow bard for awhile, but he left.
Well, that's the team. More later.
We're on the road right now, after having defeated a Wraith, a pair of animated bookshelves (who would have thought?), a fucking chain demon, and a veritable army of undead Dwarves. Athenasius broke himself, Ugaarth the Barbarian was grappled by said bookshelves, and basically we kicked ass. We won't talk about falling down the stairs.
I'm Aranel, writing in blue. I'm an elf and a cleric for the only god worth worshipping: Olidammara, god of Music, Revels, Wine, Rogues, Humor, and Tricks. He commands me to drink pretty much constantly, and who am I to disobey the gods?
I'm Lyaera, but just call me Twitchleaf. I'm a Druid/Ranger, and my awesome friend of awesomeness is my panther Gwen. I love to track things. I love shiny things.
We use this space to reminisce about our adventures while getting shnookered and shwasted on many delightful brews. For example, we're in the Dwarven Mountains right now being showered with love and presents after saving ALL DWARVENKIND from EEEEVVVVIIIILLLLLLL. Expect stories to commence soon.
Our merry band:
Lyaera and Aranel: fucking badasses. Nothing else to say.
Athenasius: pretty bomb monk who is slowly being corrupted by the chaotic ways of the rest of the group. I hear he may have to finish his monkish training soon, but hopefully he stays for awhile...
Sienna: A midget. Just kidding. A highly curious Rogue of diminutive size. Rather quiet, but very tricksy. Our favorite Halfling who can hide absolutely anywhere.
We recently picked up a wizard, too, of the gnome variety, named Cloak. She's pretty cool. And by 'she' I mean... it? He/she/it is very gender ambiguous. Also the only "Good" member of our team.
Oh, and we also just found Ugaarth, a half-orc Barbarian who isn't really good for anything but smashing things. In fact, all she says is "Ugaarth smash? UGAARTH SMASH!" Useful, though.
We chilled with a Drow bard for awhile, but he left.
Well, that's the team. More later.
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